Stage 10   YOUR LIFE IS YOURS     

Affirmation:  I will protect the ownership of my life by avoiding unhealthy compromises.

"Old Brides" are often tempted in relationships to assume too much responsibility for their partner's welfare and the maintenance of the relationship itself.  They so prize the relationship they will do anything to keep the relationship intact.  They are too eager to compromise their own needs, wants, and interests on behalf of others.  "Old Brides" are more interested in the idea of being in a relationship than the idea of being happy.  Of course, sometimes it is necessary to compromise and meet your partner half way.  But such give-and-take must be fair and balanced.  If you are always the partner who compromises, if you are always the partner who takes care of the relationship while your own needs are being ignored, you lose little bits of your Self day after day.  Ironically, you end up losing so much of yourself there is no more You to love.  This gradual turning away from yourself is dangerous because it is linked with depression.

Loving others must include loving yourself, and that is our privilege!  It must include hanging on to your own identity because that identity is the foundation of all your loves and your purposes in life.  You cannot love anyone more than you love yourself.  It is a hard reality to accept because it fundamentally contradicts the essence of socialization, which tells you that you exist for others.  It tells you that you are more when you become less.  The self-love you learn about in this chapter will enable you to detect unhealthy compromises that diminish your existence.  By the end of the journaling exercises in this stage, you will be better able to make your life your own and continue to reinvent your own personal existence for as long as you live.
 

Presentation based on Codependency and the Socialization of Women, by Ann Mody Lewis, Ph.D., Copyright 1996