Stage 4   DEVELOPING YOUR AWARENESS

Affirmation:  I will learn to recognize the subtle and progressive influence cultural conformity has made on my life.

Cultural conformity is dense and complicated.  The very people you love the most come as messengers of its unhealthy oppression.  That's why you feel such conflict between the ones you love and the message they bear.  Do you conform because of love?  If you do, the love becomes lost, and you become lost and tired-all the symptoms of an "Old Bride".

Conformity plays itself out in subtle ways in our relationships.  One of the subtlest dictums is that women should "be nice".  Nice girls are not supposed to be critical, yet it is perfectly normal and healthy to critically examine the relationships you are forming and those you are in.  In this stage, you learn to give yourself permission to critically evaluate what others expect of you and choose what is best for you.  This is a good time to begin to talk over with your partner your frustration, unhappiness, or disillusionment.  Although this will likely cause conflict, when you hide your pain, you also hide from the person you love.  Relationships grow through conflict resolution because each partner reaches deep inside to find a loving solution.

Presentation based on Codependency and the Socialization of Women, by Ann Mody Lewis, Ph.D., Copyright 1996