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Socialization invades the identity of women and men from the moments they are born. It shapes their self-opinion by defining what is ‘normal.’ It separates them from their ‘true self.’
For the past ten years, Women’s Journey has identified the conscious and subconscious ways we are shaped by socialization. Each month and each year the topics of discussion change. As such, the program is designed to allow you to begin your journey at any time, without having to wait until the beginning to the next year. By joining the Women’s Journey Movement, you will have full access to Dr. Lewis’ expertise and insights. Read the sample summaries of topics previously discussed. Once you join us, you will find in the Library, a complete listing of topics and summaries for the past ten years.     Stage One (2005) - Waking Up
I understand how limited my personal life became as myths of femininity overwhelmed my identity.
Theme: When we were children, we learned to abandon ourselves for the sake of love.
Childhood is the freest and most vulnerable time of our lives. It’s supposed to be that way. Children are enthusiastic students of life. They want to learn. They are eager to learn. They listen to learn. They watch to learn. They have an innate belief system about how important their learning is related to how well they are loved. Because they want to be loved completely, they are willing, consciously or unconsciously, to modify their own existence to achieve their ultimate goal. Some of us make so many modifications that we hardly know who are well into adulthood. It is possible to regain what you gave away freely.
Stage Two (2000) - Avoiding the Trap
I will come to realize that I am more dynamic when I avoid the social entrapments imposed on my life.
Theme: I have broken myself while trying to fix you!
When we enter a relationship, a willingness to be ‘totally’ committed is immeasurable. Since little girls, we have been prepared for this moment. We are at risk of becoming alienated from ourselves. In order to achieve intimacy within the relationship …that is often built on inequality, women are willing to alter themselves in order to stay connected to their partner. It is this self-alteration that breaks the spirit of our ‘core self!’ We are then at risk for depression. We try to be everything our partner wants; everything our partner needs; and everything our partner deserved as a child and never got. Yes! We try to be bigger than life …the creator of every solution. And, in the end, we are often alone and broken. Study the ‘New Bride’ … She has a better idea!
Stage Three (2007) - Clearing My Mind
I am determined to release myself from the confusion and uncertainty myths of femininity create in my life.
Theme: Understanding the myths of femininity and how they compromise your personal peace.
None of us know the time or date when the myths of femininity became beliefs … but, we do know from living life itself that they are unrealistic and self compromising. They hold up standards that are punishable, if not adhered to. From our earliest years, we know the ‘game,’ but can’t imagine a way to free ourselves. We struggle between loyalty to myths and loyalty to our Self. Our lack of peace is noticeable, when we can’t decide whether to keep our paycheck or deposit all of it into a conjoint account. It is noticeable when, we can’t decide to embrace our aging or fight it with surgery, self-hatred, and despair. Name the ‘myths’ and free yourself!
Stage Four (2001) - Developing Awareness
I will trust my own wisdom, because it is my greatest source of peace and personal power.
Theme: Addicted to “being good.” What it means and what it does to us.
If there is any behavior that is universally expected of women, it is ‘being good!’ What does that mean? It may change with culture, but in all cultures, it means being willing to give, take care of, and perhaps surrender your entire life, if necessary. It means you should be willing to give whatever is asked of you, no matter how you feel about it. Being good means you are more interested in giving to others than giving to yourself. And sadly, whatever you give will never make you more appreciated or valued. Cross-culturally, whatever a woman gives is devalued. Being good and doing good is okay, but it must include how we feel and it cannot be in exchange for acceptance!
Stage Five (2002) - Realizing My Losses
I will grieve personal losses as I remember all the people and causes I made more important than myself.
Theme: How lesbians suffer and why.
Many lesbians have been married; have children; and co-parent their children with another women or alone. Their adjustment is similar to lesbians who have never been in a hetero-sexual, marital relationship. I will mention two similar adjustments of both groups …First adjustment is separating herself from male dependence. Our patriarchal culture labels her as a man-hater and unfit mother. Many previously married lesbians are threatened with the loss of their children …maybe the loss of their home and income. They may be faced with legal problems and are unable to fight, because of lost income. Another adjustment is the condemnation of their families, particularly their mothers, who are not prepared to see her daughter with another woman. When a woman chooses to openly spend her life as a lesbian, she confronts socialization in a big way. She usually pays a big price, as well. If, however, she is well adjusted, her freedom can be a ‘New Bride’ experience.
Stage Six (2003) - Growth Through Listening
I will listen patiently to my self and other women as wisdom shows me a better way to live my life.
Theme: What I have to surrender to be a good listener.
Being a good listener is a very fine skill. In many ways, it is more important than speaking. To listen, we must put aside our judgments, opinions, and the feeling that we know a cure … have a solution, and will take charge. This internalization of responsibility contaminates our ability to listen. So, we must put aside the use of our power-to-resolve and focus on our power to love. The way the ‘listener’ views the ‘speaker’ is crucial to successful communication. If we view the listener as less competent, we’ll plan a ‘take-over.’ If we view the speaker as an authority in their own life, then we will be supportive and encouraging. When we listen, we must put aside our personal authority and employ our empathy. We must ‘listen’ as a ‘lover of humanity’ … not a fixer. Practice listening. You’ll become healthier.
Stage Seven (2004) - Creating Healthy Boundaries
I will create mature relationships by expressing my personal needs, because love without boundaries is emotionally paralyzing.
Theme: Trust yourself to be a friend.
We all have a different idea about what friendship is. We agree on how desirable it is. We are proud of our circle of friends … they are proof of our successful living. How many of you think about your ability to be a friend? We are more likely to work on our friendship with men then women. Perhaps, we are more inclined to forgive them and tolerate our discomfort with them. Why are our friendships with women more complex? We judge other women harshly … the way we are judged. We are less forgiving because we presume perfection. Other women are our competitors. Other women, all women, need our friendship. Ask yourself this question: How can I be a better friend? What stops me from loving my female friends? Just spending time is not friendship.
Stage Eight (2006) - My Life is Mine
I will protect the ownership of my life by avoiding unhealthy compromises.
Theme: Learning not to be afraid of ‘choice.’
‘Choices’ can be perplexing for us, especially when they involve ‘choices’ that may promote our own life. When we have ‘choices’ to make, we confront the deepest part of socialization, when our interest or the interests of ‘others’ are experienced as opposing forces. When we are not free, we may feel guilty … shameful perhaps … for taking care of our own interests. If we yield completely to another person’s needs by setting aside our needs, we may end up feeling resentful and lost, over time. Living requires ‘choices’ … sometimes, at every moment, so it is essential for our survival that we learn to include our own needs into our considerations … not as an after thought, but as a primary factor of our happiness and emotional well-being.
Stage Nine (2008) - Honoring Who I Am
I will improve the quality of my life by honoring who I am and spiritually connecting with humankind.
Theme: Relationships are partnerships
You might respond, “Well, of course relationships are partnerships!” For most women, however, that’s not the way relationships end up. Socialization’s heaviest messages for women control the way she manages herself in relationships. I’ll share just a few:
Stage Ten (2008) - Peace with Myself
Now, I can inspire others to find personal peace, because my life is unified.
Theme: Creating a spirituality of your own
Spirituality makes no sense unless it is our own. When it is our own, we become ‘peace makers’ no matter where we are. If you don’t know what spirituality is … if you confuse it with religion … then talk to a trusted friend who can help you find answers. Read to find answers. Even if you have a good idea about spirituality … keep learning. It is the lack of spirituality … worldwide … that makes this planet a harsh place for human survival. When we meet spirituality as a person or nation, we’ll know it immediately; because it will ‘feel’ peaceful.
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